farters have to be the big spoon...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
