It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
