guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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