If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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