I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm just crazy horny about you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
