So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
