i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
