I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
