somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
