i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize