If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
