I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
