nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize