we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize