You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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