SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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