ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think i have herpe
just one?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
