all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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