The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
