do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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