you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
