Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
