Can i not drive my cunt home
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
