Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I need moral support for this bender
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Let's get the cat blown out
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
