I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
