I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
