Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
