He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
