having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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