My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
