WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
