you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
They took my balls.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
