Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
