Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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