i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
