oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
