First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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