I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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