So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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