whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
