He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize