Pregnant stripper...not hot.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
