You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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