I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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