So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
