My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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