i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
