his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
