As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.