he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car