I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
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And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
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No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...