you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.