Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.