Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
