Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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