I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
