I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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