I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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