y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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