you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
whose parrot is this?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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