I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
