Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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