Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Soap is not a condiment
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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