Can i not drive my cunt home
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
