It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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