from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
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I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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