It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I believe in your delicious
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
