am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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