one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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