hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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