He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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