He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
